Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
