Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
