When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just want nice things and good sex
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
