This girl is more easily done than said...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
