Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
