Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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