We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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