As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
