Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
