K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
