you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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