I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
