just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
We left the knife in your bed.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Randomize
