I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
