i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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