You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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