I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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