Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
