I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
