The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
