dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
