your parents love me but you hate me
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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