So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
