I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
