Joe is yelling at the trees again.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
