he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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