Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
