She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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