You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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