I'm gonna have a badass scar
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
