This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
