The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I could make wine with my vomit
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
