I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
