That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
