I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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