What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
