Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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