Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Boobs are out for the taking
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
