Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
