I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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