i wish semen tasted like chocolate
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
