Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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