ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
