I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
