The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
