I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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