his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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