my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
