I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
