a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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